When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
