Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize