i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
