Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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