Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
