two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
