one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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