How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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