I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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