you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
