I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize