would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
