At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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