Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
