ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
