Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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