I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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