So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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