Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're like the curious george of whores
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
