Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
