There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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