Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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