The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
should my penis look like a turkey
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
