Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
