so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
