You really coming over, don't trick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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