Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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