She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
someone owes me an orgasm
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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