Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
