i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
