There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
