a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
