erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize