I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
