just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
