Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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