That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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