Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
