I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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