She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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