I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
