Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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