I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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