I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I AM VODKA MAN
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
