yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
