Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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