I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
