youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Rumble strips road head = magical
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
