I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need to align my fucking chakras
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize