I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
pop tarts are not kleenex
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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