So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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