Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
