I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
