Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
