She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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