That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
40s are totally the cure
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
