I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dick very happy bro
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
