so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize