those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize