It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
