Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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