Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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