I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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