then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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