I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
