i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
this hospital has no fireball
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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