he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
