i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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