Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
