being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize