I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
