FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
